Video Calls With Grandparents: How to Make Them Work for Toddlers
Anyone who has tried to hold a two-year-old in front of a screen while a grandparent asks "What did you do today?" knows the familiar arc: a bright start, thirty seconds of interest, then a toddler crawling under the table. This is not a failed relationship. It is simply a small child meeting a format that was designed for adults, and there is plenty you can do to bridge the gap.
The short answer
The trick to video calls with grandparents, and how to make them work for toddlers, is to make the call a shared activity rather than a conversation. Keep it short, give the toddler something to do, and follow their lead instead of demanding they sit and chat.
Why toddlers struggle with calls
Toddlers connect through movement, touch and doing, not through sitting still and answering questions. A screen removes touch and asks for exactly the kind of sustained, face-to-face attention that is hardest at this age. Research on young children and screens suggests they engage far better when contact is interactive and responsive, which is precisely what a good video call can be if the adults treat it as play rather than an interview.
What to notice first
Notice your toddler's rhythm and choose your moment. A call after a nap and a snack has a fighting chance. A call when they are hungry, tired or mid-play with a favourite toy does not. Notice, too, what holds their gaze on screen: another person's pet, a puppet, a song, or the grandparent doing something silly. Those are your building blocks. Endless questions are the fastest way to lose a toddler.
A plan for a better call
- Keep it short, around five to ten minutes, and end while it is still going well.
- Prop the device up so nobody has to hold it and the toddler can move freely in view.
- Give the call a purpose: a story, a song, a game of peekaboo, showing a toy.
- Let the toddler wander and come back rather than forcing them to stay put.
Setting up the call so it flows
The physical set-up matters more than people expect. Stand the phone or tablet against something stable at the child's eye level, with decent light on your child's face rather than behind them. Reduce background noise and clutter. Have one or two props ready, such as the book the grandparent will read or the bricks they will "build" alongside. A call that is ready to go the moment it connects keeps a toddler's fleeting attention before it drifts.
Coaching grandparents gently
Grandparents often reach for the questions that work with older children and adults, then feel hurt when a toddler ignores them. It helps to suggest, kindly, that they lead with action. Reading a short story, singing a repeated song, playing hide the face, or narrating their own day in a lively way all land far better than "How was nursery?" Encourage them to be a bit theatrical and to follow whatever the toddler shows them. When grandparents shift from asking to playing, video calls with grandparents and how to make them work for toddlers stops being a puzzle.
Ideas that reliably engage
A handful of activities tend to work again and again. A grandparent reading the exact same book you have a copy of, so your toddler can turn the pages along. A shared song with actions. A pet brought to the camera. A puppet or soft toy that talks. A simple "show and tell" where each side finds something red, or round, or soft. Doing the same favourite thing each call builds a comforting ritual, and toddlers adore knowing what comes next.
What you can and cannot control
You can control the timing, the set-up and the shape of the call. You cannot make a toddler sit and perform on cue, and trying usually ends in tears for everyone. Some calls will be joyful and some will be your child showing the grandparent their left ear for a while. Let the flops go. Frequency and warmth over time matter far more than any single call going to plan.
A note on screens and young children
Public-health guidance encourages limiting passive screen time for very young children, but interactive video calls with a loving relative are widely viewed as a positive, connected use of screens rather than the kind to worry about. Keeping calls short and interactive keeps them firmly in the healthy category. If you have concerns about your child's overall screen use or attention, your health visitor can offer tailored, up-to-date advice.
The point to hold on to
You are not aiming for a toddler who chats politely into a camera. You are aiming for a warm, familiar face they are always pleased to see. Keep video calls with grandparents short, playful and low-pressure, let your toddler move, and give them something to do together. Do that regularly and the wriggling stops mattering, because the bond is quietly being built underneath it.
Key point: Treat a toddler video call as shared play, not a chat. Keep it short, prop up the screen, give them something to do, and end on a high.