Praise Effort or Praise Results?
Your child brings you a drawing, or a tidied room, or a tower that finally stayed up. In that split second you choose what to say, and it turns out the choice matters more than you might think. The question of how to praise children effort vs results has been studied closely, and the findings are surprisingly practical. The words we reach for can either help our children love a challenge or quietly teach them to avoid one.
The core finding
Research on motivation, notably the work associated with the idea of a growth mindset, suggests that praising the process a child controls, their effort, strategies and persistence, tends to build resilience and a willingness to tackle hard things. Praising fixed traits like being "clever" or "talented" can have the opposite effect. Children praised for being clever may start to protect that label by avoiding tasks where they might fail.
In other words, a child who believes success comes from trying is likely to keep trying. A child who believes success proves they are gifted may stop trying the moment something feels difficult, in case it reveals they are not.
Why "you're so clever" can backfire
It feels loving to tell a child they are brilliant, and there is nothing wrong with it now and then. The trouble comes when ability praise dominates. A child who hears "you're so clever" whenever they succeed may conclude that struggling means they are not clever after all. So they steer towards easy wins and away from the very challenges that would help them grow.
Ability praise also puts the outcome in charge. If cleverness is what earns the warm reaction, then a wonky result feels like a personal failure rather than a normal step in learning.
What effort praise sounds like
Praising effort does not mean gushing over nothing or pretending a rushed scribble was a masterpiece. It means noticing the real things your child did.
- "You kept going even when that bit was tricky."
- "You tried three different ways until one worked."
- "I can see how much time you spent on this."
- "You were nervous about starting, and you had a go anyway."
Notice that these comments describe what the child actually did, which they can then repeat. When you weigh up how to praise children effort vs results, the deciding question is simple: does my comment point to something my child can do again next time?
Do results ever deserve praise?
Yes, of course. Achievements are worth celebrating, and it would be odd never to acknowledge them. The trick is to link the result back to the effort that produced it. "You worked so hard on your reading, and look, you read the whole page. That practice paid off." This lets your child enjoy the success while learning that it came from what they did, not from a fixed gift they either have or do not.
The aim is balance. Celebrate the win, but keep the spotlight mostly on the journey, so your child learns that trying is what makes good things happen.
Praise honestly and specifically
Children can spot hollow praise, and too much of it loses meaning. Rather than a constant stream of "well done", aim for fewer, truer comments that show you were genuinely paying attention. "I noticed you helped your sister find her shoe without being asked" lands far better than a vague "good boy", because it is specific and real.
Empty or exaggerated praise can also raise the pressure. A child repeatedly told everything they make is "amazing" may start to fear they cannot live up to it. Honest, warm, specific noticing is kinder and more useful.
Encourage a "not yet" mindset
Part of praising effort well is how you handle the times things do not work out. When your child says "I can't do it", you can add one small, powerful word: "You can't do it yet." This frames the difficulty as a stage on the way, not a verdict. Pair it with encouragement about strategy: "What is another way we could try?"
Over time, this teaches your child that being stuck is temporary and that effort and new approaches are the way through. That belief is the real prize, far more valuable than any single result.
A gentle reality check
You will not get the wording perfect every time, and you do not need to. The occasional "clever girl" will not undo a childhood of encouragement. What matters is the overall pattern your child hears day after day. Aim for effort and process to be the main tune, with results as a happy chorus now and then.
You are not managing your child's motivation with a script. You are simply, most of the time, shining your attention on the trying rather than only the winning. Do that consistently, and your child learns the most useful lesson of all: that hard things are worth attempting, and that they are the kind of person who keeps going.
Key point: Praise the effort, strategies and persistence your child controls rather than fixed cleverness, and when you do celebrate a result, tie it back to the work that produced it.
American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: Building Resilience